#empowered

Another truth. Feeling inspired.

I was bullied a lot growing up. Like mean girls style but even worse.

I didn’t know how to fight back. I didn’t know how to be mean, nor did I want to. So I just let these bullies walk all over me and treat me with hate and disrespect.

This obviously affected me a lot. I don’t blame anyone for my problems. I own all the behaviors I used to cope with my traumas. But my greatest trauma came from this. So I feel it’s necessary to share.

I could tell you stories that would make you crawl in your skin. After going to my first in-patient rehab facility for my eating disorder when I was 16, I couldn’t bare the thought of returning to my old high school to be taunted again. So, this is a big reason why my parents moved from Oklahoma to Colorado at that time.

However, there were mean girls there too. I couldn’t escape them. I used to hide in the bathroom during periods and drive home everyday to eat lunch. Eventually I started using my eating disorder again to cope. Then I started using alcohol. This was a deadly combination. I’m kind of surprised I’m alive sometimes.

For many years I had night terrors around this trauma. I didn’t trust women or have the capacity to develop healthy relationships with them.

The moral of this story. Anytime someone judges you, hurts you, puts you down, makes you feel worthless, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. I wish I knew this earlier. Would have saved me a lot of pain.

The truth is this bullying comes from a place of deep insecurity. The bullies insecurity. We need to better educate our children on this topic. Some of my bullies’ parents actually encouraged it and were bullies themselves. So sad. We need to lift each other up instead of being scared of other’s magic. We all contain MAGIC. I wish we could all shine instead of hurt each other.

Some of my predators follow me on here. Kind of ironic. I hope they read this one. I don’t expect an apology or anything. I just want to create awareness around once again, another very difficult topic.

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